We minimalists believe in a limited government influence in our lives. Here’s a humorous example illustrating our point.
To the Honorable Secretary of Agriculture, Washington, D.C.
Dear Sir, a friend of mine received a check from the government for $1,000 for his “not raising hogs” business next year. I want to know how I can get into this business too, but, as I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in keeping an accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven’t raised. My friend has been raising 50 hogs a year for twenty years and in his best year, he only made $422 until this year when he received the $1000 for not raising them.
If I get $1,000 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2,000 for not raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4,000 hogs not raised. Will this mean I will receive $80,000 the first year?
Now another thing, these hogs I will not raise will not eat 100,000 bushels of corn. I understand that you also pay farmers for not raising corn and wheat. Will I qualify for payments for not raising wheat and corn not to feed the 4,000 hogs I plan on not raising?
I want to get started as soon as possible as this seems to be a good time of the year not to raise hogs and grow grain. I am also considering the “not milking cows” business, so I would like you to send some information on that too.
Since I won’t have to work to raise hogs or cows or grow grain, I will be unemployed and plan to file for unemployment compensation and food stamps.
I will close by saying your political party may be assured of my vote in the coming election.
Freddy the Freeloader